recovery in progress.

goshgosh~ i am feeling more & more slackish as days go by. i must really buck up. i wont want to get a L1R5 that will ruin my future.
it still hurts alot. demoralising, depleting my confidence & more. i cant forget about those disappointments, & i know it's useless dwelling over it since i cant change anything. but still, i need some time to recover, to become me agn. i know my dull, sad, shedding-tears face have really affected some of you all, so i'm really sorry. i can sense all of your concern, asking me to cheer up. but i guess i'm just too down right devastated. if my emotions ever affect you all agn, u all can just ignore me & leave me alone. i wont mind, for i know it's my fault. rest assure that i will regain myself in a few hour or two days at most, & really thanks alot for those concern, they mean alot to me.

went out with zp ade & ck to buy something that is long over due. spent around 2 hours in Carls' junior playing "truth & truth" with qns like 'rate your rumoured partners','who do u wan to ask out for prom nitex' & 'on a scale of 0 to 100, rate yourself'. DANGS, but still it's kinda fun, considering the facts that we learnt more about each other( well sort of ).
it happens on others so often,
yet seems so impossible to occur on me.
am i jealous or wad? yeah maybe.

oh btw i bought stefanie sun's new album 'my story, your song'. not the one with only 2CDs of 32 songs inside, BUT the special edition with 4CDs of 61 songs + DVD (over one & half hours) + 100 pages picture book of stefanie. i'm so happy i got this album, although it costs $48 ( heart-break sia ) as it's a extra special edition, it's still worth it lahh. =) & 'yu tian'( rainy day ) is really nice!!
owell gonna mug hard for o's. jiayou everyone

just when i thought it's all over,
everything is gonna start again.
friendship are fragile & complicated,
& the 'wind' is gonna blow us apart again.

one problem after another.
guess i'm just really tired with these thing.
twice in a week, consecutive days. i am really pathetic.
blame myself.

please do not leave me alone♥

back to square one;

i can't take these anymore.
all those strong & happy fronts i've been putting up.
they are breaking down, all at a time.
but thanks aniwae~

i told myself not to appear weak in front of you.
but i guess i could not control it anymore.
i cant be happy all the time, i'm a human too.
there're times i broke down.

i know wad's going thru all your mind,
crying over "these things", to think i'm so weak.
but let me tell you,
my future literally depends of "these things".
unlike you all who have other things to depend on.
i'm not like you all ok, i've got nothing else. except for "these things"

please do not leave me alone♥

what's.friendship&love.to.you?

a short post. just realized i'm so into blogging this few days. guess i really need a platform to vent my anger, my disappointment, a place for me to reflect all my actions i did in a day...

results were devastating, as usual. My english deproved drastically. i dun mind failing my paper 2 which i know i will. i dun mind getting a mark which is below my expectation for my paper 1. but i just mind so much about my oral marks. argh~~ i am so so pissed off with my oral marks!! it pulled down my overall marks by alot. argh~~ not that i can do anything now to change my english mark. even if there's moderation, it's futile for me. owell~ guess i'll have to depend on my higher chinese mark, as usual~
till now. none of the results i got are at or ab0ve my expectation, which is saddening. AND demoralising for me. haix~ guess it's back too more revising for me. first stop- biology. somehow VJC seems so far away from me, literally & non-literally if u know wad i mean...

looking around, i see many different kinds of emotions. some are happy getting their results, some are just plain sad by their marks, some are crying, some are scolding vulgarities. all kinds of emotions expressed differently. just wanna say, thanks for all those comforts you all gave. i cherished it alot. & to those who are in the plain sad + crying(a few tears) state as me, guess there's nothing we can do, but maybe spend some time breaking down, & regain your composure to fight the battle.
something wad we need is not words of comfort & console.
wad we need is someone to fully understd wad we're feeling, wad we're thinking.

taggs replies/~
[pearlyn] yeah~ no more LCK's credits on my blog!! & the template problem is actually the same prob i had the previous time. haix.
[ck] u officially got the 'dreaming too much' illness. does that guy in the poster look like john tucker in the 1st place?
[jialing] ok i gonna ask ck wad's maluater! & i know wad's the meaning of versatile liao! Clever me=)
[tony] dun like tat say. every class got its own story. & oh gosh another supporter of that poster! i really shld consider making poster as my occupation for so many ppl like the poster i made!!!

it's difficult forgetting you, so i'm just placing you somewhere deep in my heart.
i dunnoe how things are gonna work out between us.
but just let fate do its thing.
i'm too tired of all these.

please do not leave me alone♥

hopeless/

had decided to stop my "post a picture for every post" basic. i mean it's kinda making my blog very very messy & unorganised, which is so not me. i will still post photos/pictures occasionally.

i'm rotting at home everyday. playing games like O2 jam & audition which will result in me having headache in the end. got the urge to go ecp or sentosa & just have fun the whole day, but come to think of it, O's level is just around 20 days away. man just when i'm starting to relax, i have got to start revising again. did i mention revising just sucks so much? especially when u decide to finish revising this topic within one hour, but in the end you couldn't because you're stuck at some stupid(a.k.a difficult) questions, thinking about the solutions. ARGH~ i just hate that kind of situation!!

dun feel like going to skool this whole week. hello~ we're getting back all our results by this week~ for people like me who're unable to handle the many shocks i'll get when i look at my devastating marks. which i almost can confirm i will. i'm just too afraid to get back my papers. my mid-year exam was like already saddening for me. if my prelim is to be worst than my mid-year... gosh i wonder wad i will do. owell looks like tomolo i MUST start revising. AGAIN~

i failed my eng p2. which is nth surprising for me for i knew i will. my chinese p1 was all right, though it was below my expectation. my physic & biology practical paper was hell. i wonder wad kind of results i will recieve tml. HELL or HEAVEN??
gosh~ i'm toking rubbish in this post. lolx

taggs replies/~~
[cyan]- aiyo must wait patiently mahh. like that rushed me i write also meaningless. so must wait until after o's den i write a long meaningful letter for u mahh.
[yinghui]- i know u tried yr best too so stay happy =)
[huisi]- duhh~~ i will lurve S.H.E forever & ever. no matter wad.
[ly]- liangyu ritex? thanks for sayin tat LCK pic look cool. i made it one. lolx. & yepp cameron is pretty & hot!!
[jialing]- another supporter of that LCK poster!! which i made!! izzit me or is my eng deproving. wad does maluater & versatile mean? LOL

i really miss those days. when we're having so much fun together.
but i guess those are the pasts. & will always stay as the pasts.
for you've changed. really changed alot.

please do not leave me alone♥

utter disappointment;

so prelim is finally over, in a flash. but i feel no sense of security.
a maths p2 was a goner. & to think i was hoping to depend on it. since my a maths p1 was disaster too. 20 over marks flew away from my p2 just like that. the answer was just in front of me. yet i still could not get it.
what do u call this? pure stupidity. pure dumbness.
even though i had done revision, practised umpteen times, i still feel as if i had done nth at all. i feel so empty. worthless, i am. when i get back my results, i'm gonna crack.
i'm gonna buck up for now on. i'm not gonna disappoint myself in o's lvl.
i'm gonna stay strong, & be happy always; at least i hope so...

2006... a new pop group has emerged, & they are S.A.C, with members Sunthai, Adeline & Chunkiat!! they shall be following the footstep of the famous pop grp S.H.E & will take the whole music industry by storm! watch out for them!& let's not forget bout the movie "LeongChunKiat Must Die!" which will be showing starting tmolo. starring pearlyn ng, adeline yong, leong chunkiat, lee zhaopei & eunice kuah, this movie is an enjoyable teen revenge comedy with strong performance & a likeable script which will offer plenty of laughs.... lolx =) [i spend around one hour doing this 'poster' ok. ] when we're back to normal, we just act like every other normal teenagers, laughing & talking craps at swensens. plus mixing juice blended with crayfish, pepper, salt AND my special fluid. HAHAS. & one lesson learnt today: i'm gonna lower the frequency of the pitch of my laughter. HAHAS!!

p.s: thanks cyan for those "love" letters!!! & thanks those who support & encourage me this few weeks. love ya lots ;) also...
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO PEARLYN & KEWEI =D

taggs replies~~;
[yinghui] u takecare too. & must be strong worr. JIAYOU!
[pearlyn] yeap maybe u're ritex, our life is ok. & congrats for being the member of st pool skills rocks fanclub!!
[zhaopei] hahax i also got pray for u ok. i'm so nice. i prayed u wld disappear. HAHAS. no lahh. wish u good luck of course...
[sheery] u must jiayou too!
[cyan] i will write u lurve letter after o's! a long long one!! happy muggin too & thanks agn:)
[tony] thanks. i will try to focus. although it's kinda hard.. lol
[ck] updated. & u're the 2nd member of st pool skills rocks fanclub!! yeah~~~

i'm want to cry away all those memories we had together`
yet it is impossible. for everytime u pass by me.
those memories just came flooding into my mind...

hence i'm not gonna cry. i'm not gonna act innocent & weak in front of you.
because of these feelings for you, i choose to walk a different path.

we all have our own life. our own dream to pursue.
even if u don't care bout me, or hate me,
from the other side of the world, i'm still gonna hope that u're happy in yr world.
for we're friend. once...

please do not leave me alone♥

woolala~~ good morning angels!!!

yaryar. prelim starts tmolo & it will be a whole two weeks of crazy studying before it ends. AND a few days of relaxing before O's start. so basically it's going to be a studying mission: full throttle. lol

& after like million years, charlie's angel: full throttle was finally shown on channel 5!! i was around the whole singapore literally trying to find the vcd but to no avail. so yepp would not miss it for anything. it was amazing & the angels are such a kick-ass. WOO. (esp. my cameron & lucy~~) they are the best. just wish there will be a third season or something. i cant just cant enuff of these hot angels!!
ALERT : while watching the angels on tv, it means 2 hours of revising gone.

so tmolo are emaths p1 & ss. both which are argh~~~hopeless to me?? not to mention i didnt done much revising on both subjs for i was on amaths spree today AND waiting for someone for three eternity hours & enduring ppl's stare as if i had stolen their seats( which i sort of indirectly did ) just because that someone was late & didnt reply my msg to inform me about anything.

conversation_
cyan asked: are you ok? i meant your blog.. (look depressing)
i replied: yar sure...(?)

xinyi asked: how you going?
i replied: good... still hanging on to life.
xinyi asked: life not treating you good?
i replied: sort of.

was i ever okayy in the first place? that depend on how u define "ok".
if "ok" means a perfect life with everything going smooth & you having everything your way...
that my answer will be a simple "no". cuz life will never be like that.
since life aint gonna be perfect. i might as well try my utmost best to try find happiness in my imperfect life.
i'm looking things in a more open-minded way. yar there are still times where my heart hurts because of the same old trivial things( family, studies, friends matters), but i just gonna accept it. there are other things i can smile on. other friends i still can rely on. so i will never give up for the sake of them. i know that there will always be someone beside me, supporting me. even if i may not notice it.

everyone has their own life they gonna live. even if they are not by your side 24/7, u know they are inside your heart. they know you are in their heart. we all know that no matter wad happen, we will be under the same vast sky.
when you're stressed, just look at the vast blue sky, & know that there're someone under the same sky, remembering you, supporting you.
when you're free, just look at the vast blue sky, & say a prayer for your friends. for no matter how distant they're, they will recieve your prayer, knowing that you still remember them.
( i did that occasionally, sincerely hope u all recieve my wishes )

life is difficult.
i am learning to accept some facts. that each of us has a life to live on...

please do not leave me alone♥

the REALITY.FACTS.TRUTH
& the HAPPY ENDING.

i was always so uneasy that i was shaking,
hugging my knees in the corner of my room.
i was afraid of knowing the "truth",
and closed the door to it.

through a gentle lie, i found my place,
taking refuge in my dreams.
no one knows of the lonely sea,
being dye a deep blue colour,
hiding my loneliness.
with sincere emotions, i wounded your heart.

i seem to be drawn in by the secret in your eyes.
i'll draw out the truth behind your smile with the warmth of love.
with a touch, the seemingly fragile warmth will break free from the past and overflow.
because you're always by my side,
the shadow of loneliness will no longer lead me astray.

i want to know the truth.
yet i know that it hurts.
i want a happy ending.
yet i know it doesn't exist.

u treated those words as a joke.
u thought i would not mind.
but NO.
i mind a whole lot. & it hurts alot.

please do not leave me alone♥