wowowow~
sunthai has changed his blogskin!
if you are wondering who am i, wonder no more for im going to tell u in a few seconds time.
before i do, can i just add that this skin is really not bad and sadly happily, i conclude st has gd taste.
but somehow he has failed to decipher the html code and yes, leading to a 'disillusionised' blogskin.
oh what am i saying?
so st cleverly turned to people for help. and god is on sunthai's side. he found *you-know-who*
in case u hadn't notice, it's me.
ahem~ ok. so within 10 mins (actually less) i figured out the problem and ta-da here's the perfected blogskin! cool ehs!
hahas. i bet by now u guys should knw who am i. in case you are that S*****D please visit this blog (put cursor over the phrase "this blog") for more details.
cheers and enjoy!

please do not leave me alone♥

`sorting out my thoughts

friends.-
'friends' is something i regard with affection and trust.
'friends' is something that is really precious to me.
'friends' is something that i cherish alot.
but...
'friends' is also the something that ~
disappoint me.
cause me misery.
make my mind run wild. umpteen times.

& i thought finding a true friend is easy.
i thought that all i need is be honest.
trust & love them sincerely.
support them to the very end.
i was so wrong....

conclusion:
"friends' is something that is really fragile.
it can break anytime without warning.
& once it breaks, the crack will stay there. forever.
in all, you will have to depend on yrself. no matter wad...

ok enuff of blaming others. time to lecture myself...

me.-(toking to myself)
u deserve this consequences.
u are the one who treated 'friends' like your world.
if u wont so depend-ful on 'friends'
maybe u would be leading a much happier life now.
& what makes u think that it was really 'friends' that cause u misery or wadeva.
maybe it's because of you.
maybe you are the one that cause everything to end up this way.
it could be your attitude.
it could be your actions.
it could be your personality.
it could be your everything...
you can't blame 'friends' for changing. you have to blame yrself you irritating stupid idiotic loud annoying heartless egoistic vain bhb acbc pest.

on the other hand,
why are u torturing yourself??
it may not be your fault.
people do change because of many factors.
you cant control how people live.
just believe that nothing has to do with you.
even if 'friends' change,
u are not involved in it at all.
u are absolutely not the one that resulted in this.
if u really want to blame it on someone.
blame it on 'friends'
they are the one who change.
so u are just a innocent party...

on the other other hand.
it still could be my freaking fault that cause my own loneliness,
but on the other other other hand.
it may not be my bad. as their changes may have nothing to do with me...
(& this goes on & on & on...)

tok bout my life. it kinda sux like hell ritex.
yeah i know wad're u all thinking.
'u think life sux just because of this small little thing'
u wont understd. cause no one try to understd.
u may be thinking i may just imagining too much...
well it could be. maybe nothing had really happen.
maybe everything is still the same as the past.
but let me tell you. NOTHING stay the same.
everything changes as time past by.
damnit. i'm really tired of this.

prelims & o'lvl are just around the corner.
may not be blogging for quite a while.
may not be online for a long time.
may even be abandoning this blog.

but who will care about it??
nobody cares.
only i care. [for some reason. i got a gut feeling it's all my fault i have cause on these 'separation']

please do not leave me alone♥

breaking down... soon

o'lvl english oral was like a disaster. i dun even know what happen to me on that day.
i know that my oral results haven been good all along. achieving a 26 for last yr EOY exam & a pathetic idiotic 24 for prelim oral. maybe it's because of these 'achievements' that have been bugging for that whole afternn.
that was the first time in my whole life i break down literally. maybe i was worrying too much. maybe i was too nervous. maybe i was just having too much thoughts loaded in my brain(which is the highest possibility). but wadeva the reason is. i just could not control my tears.

yepp. i cried. or maybe shed a few tears. pathetic ritex?
yarr. totally pathetic. to be freaking out at the last minutes.
imagining me getting the 20-range result for my o'lvl oral. which totally frightened me.
i tried to get a hold of myself.
luckily i didnt cried out loud. i had to control myself. i could not just lost myself at this point of time.

looking at others brimming with confidence.
looking at others achieving excellent results.
looking at others mugging hard.
damnit. i feel like nothing. i feel worthless.

prelims. den o'lvl.
this period of time is the most crucial.
i am trying my utmost best to do something.
but for some reason...
i always end up feeling i had done nothing...
i am already losing the battle.

u said those words with such ease.
u dun even care bout my feelings the least.
i care bout you. but do you even care bout me?
come to think about it.
nobody cares bout me in the first place.
i am living in all of your blind spots.
where nobody can notice me.
i am all alone. aferall.

4 modesty video(demo version)...

please do not leave me alone♥