a new experience

finally. a break from all these shocking results trama. really i need this break 2 relax. not only 2 relax. also 2 stop my mind from tinkin bout all this results. sucky results mind you. haix...

aniwae 2dae was like my 2nd time in sentosa. the first time was like erm... ages ago. like when i was 7-8 years old. forget liao. such long ago incident. was really excited. wonder how sentosa has change. also it was also my 1st time going beach plae. hahas i said until i'm like a jing2 di3 zhi1 wa1. in eng the frog in the well.

the weather was great. everything was perfect fer beach vball. until the god has 2 make it rain. from drizzle to pour. kinda wasted $5.50 renting de vball as we didnt really use the vball 2 its full potential efficiently. if ya know wad i meant.

den eun kj pearl bought our lunch & we ate in the shelter. was kinda upset by the rain. still we wont wan the rain 2 damp our spirit. gonna have fun the whole dae!!! XD

we went back 2 the beach. but since it juz rains. the sand is damp. wet. ewww. so we decided nt 2 plae vball & went dwn 2 the sea 2 splash. ok everyone except fre zz & ben. i did mention i dunnoe how 2 swim ritex. hence swimming in the sea is like a huge obstacle in front of me. pics of me drowning in the sea keep flashing thru my mind. hahas. but still swimming in the sea was like. weird?? the sea is like so darn dirty. polluted with sand. algae. ck's dropping hairs & eun's saliva. i keep swallowing a few gulp of water. sea water. it was so darn salty. of course i noe it's salty but it's like really disgustly salty. hahas. & we like soaked in the water fer like an hour. i wanted 2 get out. but once i get out. whoosh. a gust of wind blew by. & i'm sure u can work out those physics. wind blown by. water drops on me evaporate. take away latent heat. you know. in short i felt cold. finally after an hr of soakin in sea. we got out & have a shower. i kinda stink. the sea water is not clean afterall.

we took the tram (according 2 shawn it's a train dat is not travelling on a track). was my first time taking tram. hahs. really fun. although there wasnt nice scenery around except for beach & more beach. here's us on the tram =) btw ck big white face is covering pearlyn while shawn large surface area face is half covering zhiyu...

we took the tram a full round & got 2 the cycling shop. everyone decided on cycling except fer zz zhiyu & ksy who decided 2 try bladeing. which is like difficult. hahas. i must master the skills of cycling wonderfully 1st b4 i try other skills. hence i skipped on roller blading. i really impove alot liao. really happy with my cycling. although i fell dwn once. it was all ritex. just superficial wounds. ain't gonna let these wounds spoil my moods X)

went plae pool which is also my 1st time. i like totally sux in it. but luckily there's the spot the difference game dere. hahs. so of course we plae. took turns plaeing with it. plae with it like umpteen times.

plae so much until we secure the first eight positions. hehe. actually want 2 make the whole list belong 2 MD. but ain't ani more ppl has 1 dollar coins.

we went back 2 main land afer this fer dinner. harbour front kopitiam. i was like really tired by den. also have 2 da bao food home fer dinner. found out that i used alot of money 2dae. OMG. i like left $91. how am i gonna survive thru the whole holiday. ohya i took a quiz recently. i said that i know how 2 use money usefully. also it mention that often i worried that i have not enuff money 2 spend even though i actually have enuff $$ 2 spend. lastly it said my desire fer money is very strong. hahs found out that all these result are really true. it's like totally ME!! aniwae us having dinner. pearlyn eun chialing shawn zz kj ben ksy zhiyu ck~~~

it's so so strange that after a day of fun. tomolo it's time fer skool. the feelings kinda weird. wish that skool could like just ends now. haix...

aniwae thx 2 all those who been with me thru all these storm. i really appreciate it. last few days wasnt the best days. but with you all. i realize that it's betta 2 not 2 tink 2 much. really agree with wad pearlyn saes :'ppl may tell you it's ok. but deep dwn inside. you know it's not ok'. all of u all told me it's ok. but no matter wadd. i will still feel it's not ok. but no matter wad. thx fer wad you all done. directly or indirectly. THANK YOU!!!!!

holidays is coming. bear just a few more days of teacher nagging & giving us holiday hw. & it will be HOLIDAYS!!!!!!

please do not leave me alone♥

tears of nature

today hasn't been the greatest day in my whole life. i cried today. i totally have lost hope. once again i'm sucked in2 the whirlpool. causing me confusion. i have been through this once before. & i hate it. i hate this feeling.

i hate the feeling where everyone around me are passing. & i seemed 2 be the only one failing. i know i am not the only one failed. but 2 me. in my own world. i failed. terribly. is god hinting that i am stupid? If so. then thanks. at least now i know i'm stupid.

i wondered why god always make a fool out of me. why can't god just stop giving me in-constant results? during this season; i'm good. then the next season; i'm bad. stop giving me hope & making me happy when in the end god will just totally destroyed. leaving nth but sadness in my heart. if i'm clever, just give me constant satisfying results. if i'm stupid. then just give me constant sucky results. wad i need is a exact answer. dun give me satisfying results 2dae & sucky like hell results tmolo. i can't find myself this way. wad i want is 2 know myself. where's my level of intelligence.

physics was a near death blow 2 me. i tried 2 contain myself. i tried 2 get a hold of myself. but it was 2 no avail.

2 me. results are everything. cuz that's the only thing that can give me hope in the future. i seemed 2 have no other skills 2 depend on. i feel so useless. wad can i depend on besides my results. i can't seemed 2 just find any talents inside me. i seemed 2 have no special skills in me. i seemed 2 be lost inside the crowd. no one is noticing me. cuz i am a nobody. i am shouting out. but no one hears..

the reason why i really care bout my mid year results is becuz of those stupid belief. the teacher mention that if u get good results during mid year. the possibility of getting good results in O level will be higher. some stupid rumors beliefs like that. which got me panicking. i dun wan 2 get all these sucky results in my O level. i really dun wan. if i was 2 get this kind of results. my future will be over. i can only depend on my results...

sometimes i feel like dieing. things run thru my mind when i crossed the road. wad will happen if a car knock me down? this kind of thing flashed thru my mind. i even tried 2 think of ways 2 die painlessly, peacefully. scareless-ly. i wondered if i die. will i reincarnate in2 a better person. a clever person. with a better life?

being a cancer. i tend 2 think too much. i am just 2 imaginative. i am just 2 naive. i wish for a simple & perfect life. i wish for many things. i think of many things. but none of them came true. often i wish i wont think so much. but i cant. everything that is said bout me. i will think bout it. every nitex i will think. i will spend one hour in bed thinking. bout everything...

is this zi4 bei1? is this low self esteem? or is this losing of hope? when can i be confident & be more sure of myself??

things may change from 2dae onwards.. either i become darn hardworking. or i will just give up on life.
the latter looked so appealing. 2 give up on life. give up hope. i wondered how it will feel like??

if i was to fail my biology tmolo. i dunnoe wad i will do. really. cries out loud? i guess if i failed
biology. i will...

Thx 2 those who was with me all these times. who tried 2 make me feel betta. esp junjin shawn wynne. thx alot. but still deep down inside i will feel sad no matter wadd. it's inevitable...

*I admit i like you more than a friend
call me a wimp
call me a scaredy-cat
cuz i dun dare confess in front of u
but that's becuz i can predict everything
i know the result...

i appeared scared in front of you.
i dun dare 2 talk 2 you.
but that's because i want 2 leave a good impression
of me in you

[sometimes-britney spears]
Sometimes I run
Sometimes I hide
Sometimes I'm scared of you
But all I really want is to hold you tight
Treat you right
Be with you day and night
Baby all I need is time

i'm not sad bout anything.
i will treat it as a precious memory in my mind. forever

As time goes by. my love for you will change. but it will never dies...*

please do not leave me alone♥

disappointment conquered my world

life will nv ever turned out the way you wanted it 2 be. you wish for a perfect life. you wish everything will be perfect. but god has 2 interfere. god will dashed your dreams. destroyed your hopes. make everything turned out anything but perfectly...

these few days haven been the best days. been handling many shocks & unfulfilled wishes/hopes at the same time. been thinking bout life. been reflectin on everything i did.

my results. that's one of the many shocks. i ain't pleased with it at all. i flunked totally. deproved totally. i'm disappointed in myself. totally.

i wondered how god define 'good boy'. one that study real hard. doesn't go out & have fun. watch tv less than 3 hours a day. listen 2 wadeva his parents says.doesn't lie 2 everyone. man. if that's really how god define 'good boy'. then i am absolutely not in the 'good boy' zone.

i wondered how god define 'bad things'. flunking in subj? go out with friends often? reaching home late? wasting money? man then i have did everything. all the bad things.

i wondered if all these 'retributions' i have been having these few days is the results of i not being a good boy & doing all these bad things.

i wondered... if LIFE SUX.

please do not leave me alone♥

With Love. With Hope.

went out 4 a feast for mother's dae. really full now. keeping burpping. tink i have gained a few kg. oops. i dun wan 2 grow fatter. help help~~~~

[my frustration again]
your favoritism obviously knows no boundary. your actions too. i know u always wanted 'A'. i know u liked "B' & 'C' more than 'D'. but still u need know show it 2 the whole world. fine maybe other ppl may tink of it as caring. but 2 me. it's obvious. it's more than caring. it's wanting. it's wishing. it's hoping. & i know 'B' & 'C' are much more impt 2 you. they worth more than 'D'. it's hard to tried 2 ignore. & sometimes it hurts. you might not notice it. but ppl will.

& pls stop hollering. shrieking. shouting. screaming. u are not helping in anything by doing all these. u are just causing noise pollution. causing irritation 2 ppl's ears. oh u're in the better mood now. great. because a day u are in a better mood. Is a day of peace...

please do not leave me alone♥

A day of craziness is nv enuff

finally a trip 2 east coast park[ecp] AGAIN!! the last time i went ecp was kinda long ago. & dat was also the time i started my cycling training. muz really learn how 2 cycle 'expertly' by end of this yr. 2dae cycling was a great leap. much improvement from last time. really really happy with myself X). although i have 2 keep muttering 2 myself "balanced yrself" umpteen times & grasping grapping the handle for the whole cycling journey which cause my hands 2 be numb. still i could at least cycle 4 quite a dist before falling off. hahas. next time i go. i will show u all the new & improved cycling sunthai XD

it was the routine just as last time. after cycling it was arcade. this time we didnt hang in the arcade for 2 long. ain't wanna use 2 much $$ there. as i dunn really have lots of cash in my wallet. the nitex before i was like telling mum i will be going ecp 2 cycle tml. & she immediately went 2 my jean. fish out my wallet & took out $50 over & leaving me with a sentence 'go ecp cycling no need so much money. i will help u keep some of yr money.' yeah ritex. (-_- ")

it was bowling next. i kinda improved since our last game in marina square. with a score of 102. i was really kinda pleased with myself. though there's still lots of room of improvement. den we start 2 practise 2 become 'professional' bowlers. tryin our utmost best 2 spin our bowling ball correctly like those pro bowlers. all of us try our luck in spinning the ball. most of us ended with strained & sprained fingers. hahas. next time we shld juz go 2 a cheap bowling alley & practise our 'spinning bowling skills'. here's eun pearlyn ben ksy. heyy if u look closely at ksy's eyes you will notice a red sore dere. yupp that's wad u will get for watching 2 much porn. hahas

next was our lunch in mac which was round 3pm. lunch at 3pm? tink it shld be called tea break lehh bahh. anyway didnt notice that mac had a new product called rolled french fries. or wadeva u called that. it's french fries rolled twisted like a tornado. something like that. tasted it & it taste all right. i'm ain't a big fan of french fries. ever since sec2 getting HIGH fever & vomitting seriously after eating skool french fries which have become soggy cuz i put it in my bag from recess to like after skool & eating it while i was going home. i still eat french fries. on the condition it's is only mac fries & it's not too much. 2 many fries & i will feel like vomiting. hahas. us eating at mac. & they are pearlyn eun zhiyu zongze shawn ksy ben kaijie X)
after that we went bugis 2 accompany eun & pearlyn 2 buy bags. went in2 bugis village which was like so hot stuffy cramped. but inside there are many new stores. next time ask frenz 2 go there. like got one store selling clothes for male only. i like the short pants there. cuz i dun hav short pants. the shortest pants i have is 3/4 pants. which isn't short. i like the shirts & belts there too. but most imptly i heard u can slashed prices at bugis village. is it true?? does it apply 2 every shop(excluding food shops) in bugis village?? hahas if really true going there nxt time 2 buy & slash!! heyy if any of you going bugis village nxt time call me along okayy =) we went home after this. i got home 1st since bugis is so near chinatown. yeah!!

[my frustration-sorry i need 2 vent it. hope you all dun mind-]
i will do wadeva i tink is the best of me. so stop giving those glares & stares or wadeva. i had enuff of u. making 2me do wad i dun wan do. bringing me 2 places of boredom. making my life miserable. oh please stop tinkin you're the best. you're correct. for goodness sake cooping me in the house ain't gonna make me betta. i'm aly being the best i can. i'm not like going out everyday. coming back home late everyday. oh pls you come home late more often than me. pls start noticimg some of the 'good' that i have done & stop having all yr brain tinkin bout all those 'bad' i have done. pls, i hav done more 'good' than 'bad'. it's just that you dun bother 2 look at those 'good'. u dun appreciate all those 'good'. sometimes i even wonder do u even care at all. maybe u dun even...

please do not leave me alone♥

The end of misery. The start of craziness. Or is it??

[my humps-black eyed peas]
What you gon' do with all that junk?
All that junk inside your trunk?
I'ma get, get, get, get, you drunk,
Get you love drunk off my hump.
My hump, my hump, my hump, my hump, my hump,
My hump, my hump, my hump, my lovely little lumps. (Check it out)

listening 2 my humps now hahas X). finally it's all over. all these misery of revising & studying. I'm finally free. Or am I?? ain't happy with all my subj. okayy maybe except of both my a & e-maths. at least i feel confident for both of them. feel confident bout them over thise triple science. however my confident may juz trick me. i may just do darn badly even 4 my maths paper. which of course will have a great negatively impact on me if it really happen. betta pray it will not. =) & next week it's like a whole week of getting back the results. wont be able 2 handle so many shock in such a short time..

[Beep-PCD]
It's funny how a man only thinks about the...
You got a real big heart, but I'm looking your...
You got real big brains, but I'm looking at your...
Girl, there ain't no pain in me looking at your...
I don't give a...
Keep looking at my...
'Cause it don't mean a thing if you're looking at my...
I'm a do my thing while you're playing with your...
Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha

song changed. aniwae 2dae e maths was all right. although i didnt do the rotation qns. as i didnt touch on rotation. 0_o tot it was not tested. but still it came out. argh~~ there go my 2 marks. trying hard 2 catch it. lame. but ritex after the paper. hahas i'm all pumped up. X) ready 2 go out & have FUN. wooOOooo. but i gonna say. it was real darn hot 2dae. sweat was like pouring down from me. literally. still after the paper it was an exciting crazy fun journey 2 marina square =D

[Be Without You-Mary J Blige]
Too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby)
And I'll be waiting up until you get home (cuz I can't sleep without you baby)
Anybody who's ever loved, ya know just what I feelT
oo hard to fake it, nothing can replace it
Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby

totally like lurve this song. aniwae once at marina square it was lunch. however den it was round an hour & more in the arcade. the DDR dere was faulty. sad. real sad. was actually planning 2 plae DDR as a form of exercise. oh well since it isn't working might plae other kind of game. after arcade it was bowling. my bowling skill have really been deproving. not 2 say it was good in the first place. but at least it was standard type one. now it dropped 2 miserably low marks. really shld brush up on my bowling skill. hahas x). maybe we shld go out more often. like tmolo? or sun? or next tues? hahax i'm like totally going crazy over here. wan go out everyday 2 enjoy the moment after exam. YEAH~~

[Hips Don't Lie-Shakira]
Oh baby when you talk like that
You make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on
Reading the signs of my body
I'm on tonight
You know my hips don't lie
And I'm starting to feel it's right
All the attraction, the tension
Don't you see baby, this is perfection

Did i like mention b4 i totally sux in counter strike aka cs?? I dun mind plaeing other online game like DOTA or even maple. but 4 goodness sake not cs. I'm like totally sux in it. after bowling it was lan. It was DOTA at first. but soon it was switched 2 cs. & is this period i totally sianz diao4. The game started. den 5-10 secs later i was plaeing with the mouse. the game restart but still 5- 10 secs later i was smsing on my phone. why? because i was dead. duhh. hence 1 hour of plaeing cs is just like shooting for half an hr & dreaming off 4 another 1/2 hr. DOTA is at least betta. but cs? yeah ritex. it will be just a waste of $$. of course until i grasped the techniques of cs. never again cs. never.

oh ya we went KFC for dinner? nahh not dinner. tea break will be most suitable. but really why KFC again? rmb the last time we went suntec it was again KFC. i'm like not a great fan of KFC. it's so fattening!! Hahas XD. & b4 we go we took a pic with Mr KFC. or wadeva his name is.

& now i'm back in my own sweet home. ain't deciding 2 come home so early. but my mother's nagging sometimes could just be so irritating. argh~~~. & finally a long post 4 you all.... ok fine i admit i cheat by adding all those song lyrics 2 lengthen my post. but heyy it made the post more interesting ritex??? hahas

heyy you all out there. exam's over. enjoy this "exam's over" feeling as much as you can. have fun & go~~ CRAZY!!!

[Unwritten-Natasha Bedingfield]
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

please do not leave me alone♥

Endurance is the key

just one more day. make it even betta. 12 hours more. all this will be over. all i have 2 do is 2 endure this 12 hrs. & i will be free. ritex??

these 2 weeks has been... stressful?? that would only applied 2 some subj. i work hard. darn hard 4 some subj. but still it didnt work out. Am i happy with all these disappointment in myself?? I'm ain't happy at all.

sometimes i just feel so stupid. all these studying & revision are just ain't workin 4 me. often i even feel like crying when i encountered a question i cant solve. i study real darn hard. yet i will encounter some questions dat i cant solve. & mind u. my "some" refer 2 a large amt. not just a few questions. Is my studying method wrong?? wad's wrong with me?? wad would be the best 4 me? continue doing all these things which will end up worthless for me OR just give up hope??

my e maths. my biology. my chemistry. my physics. darn it.

when can i be secure. strong & sure of my myself?

please do not leave me alone♥

ain't gonna be a long post. juz blogging b4 i drop 2 sleep. i am like so so tired. ain't been getting enuff sleep becuz of all these freaky exam. & i am officially getting flared up by all these stupid exam. 2 be more precise. flared up by all those difficult paper where most of the qns is not found in the notes or wadeva. in short u muzt use yr brain. in even shorter application qns. in even even shorter CHEMISTRY~

& i must really learn 2 read the qns b4 writin down my qns. waste at least 15min in e geog as i wrote the wrong thingy. written like a chunk aly. den read the qns 2 realize i worte the wrong info. cancel everything & rewrite everything. all these costs me lots of time & effort. & cost me marks. ain't happy now

analysing time. i'm kinda pleased with my a maths. was able 2 finish 10 minute b4 time ends. done all qns. didn't leave any blank. although i comforted myself by ignoring all those stupid & freaky mistakes i made. darn it. i always have all those darn idiotic careless mistakes. and my ss. i was darn unhappy with it. the SEQ came out all those i did really deeply study. luckily my memory still contain the remains of conflicts of ireland. but ain't gonna get nice high results.

and my chemistry 2dae. not gonna tok 2 much bout it. cuz i am really displeased by it. okayy fine i admit i didnt really study chemistry deeply. but the qns are phrased so strangely. argh wadeva. really sad. & e geog is as rushing as usual. tink gonna be on the list of most untidy handwriting.

really hope my L1R5 will be betta than last yr EOY. Like ck. i will faint if i get 10 of L1R5. i will faint of happiness

gtg mugged my physics. which is one of my least fave. subj. BORING~~~~~

please do not leave me alone♥

confused as piggy

mid year is coming. i am like so so stressed?? nahh dat's not it. it's more of a "i'm studying bored-ingly" feeling. yupp that's it. it's not i dunn like studying. not that I like studying. but studying interestingly might be more conducive 4 me. but i am juzt like stuck in boredom studying. studying bored-ly 4 2 hours is juz like standing & doing nth 4 2 hrs. argh~~~~~

and why is there sth wrong wif the blog? is it my computer or the webby prob??? 4 some stupid freaky reason there is always a "Error on page" on the bottom right hand of the screen. ya i could still update my blogg. but i cant edit my post after publishing dem. & i also could not upload pics in2 my blogg. 4ever there's the "Error on page" below... pissed.

and 4 goodness sake. stop asking me 2 study. I WILL STUDY eventually. so stop nagging me. i have grown up aly. at least sort of. well at least i know how 2 tink 4 myself. i am not like last time aly. i wont lost control of myself. i CAN control myself. i wan 2 get good results too. I WILL STUDY!!!! have anyone told u bout the quote "no one knows you the best except yrself" or sth lye that. conclusion: i know wad's best for me....

oh well aniwae it's our beloved melvin's & chialing's bdae tmolo. ~HAPPY BIRTHDAY~

& ck is leaving us tmolo nitex~~ 2 represent s'pore in robotic competition. he will be enjoying the view in netherland while we will be mugging here. oh well. aniwae wish ck yi2 lu4 shun4 feng1. oh i gonna cry. i gonna miss him*(i'm writing all this for the sake for chocolate. rmb i wanna kit-kat those kind one. dun wan bitter one. dun wan dairy milk kind one. wan those hard hard one. best if it's cold. i wont mind if u enclosed my chocolate in a packet of ice so as 2 make sure it wont melt. hahas =) thx!!)* but sincerely have a safe & fun trip. after u come back AND take every paper liao. we go east coast cycle. arcade. lan routine again okayy ^.^

one week & few days later all these will be over. but i wonder can i survive this long?? everyone JIAYOU okayy??

.................and i wonder will she like it????

please do not leave me alone♥