CHANGE

Ain't it funny how you think you're gonna be okay,
till you remember things ain't never gonna be the same again.
Ain't it crazy how you think you've got your whole life planned,
just to find that it was never ever in your hand.

today was supposed to be a great day, at least a smooth-riding day.
today was a bad day instead.

ARGH i am losing my mind. everything is piling up on me, and it's getting heavier. 10 essays within a month, march common test (which the teacher kindly named it as 'progress check test' to make it sound nicer), maths test, cca stuffs, and so many more other things, not to mention those terrible incorrigible incidents that happen today. i just can't believe how useless i can be, the extent of useless-ness is like incomparable and inmeasurable. only the tough can survive the burden, the weak totally get crushed underneath.
A human body contains good genes, the difference is the percentage. and i believe mine is called zero percent, simple as that.

yes yes an emo post, and i know you had enough of it. you can press that red button on the top right hand corner right now, i wont stop you.
stop saying 'sunthai, can you stop posting emo post' or whatever, this blog belongs to me, and i am not forcing you to read, so if you don't like the content, feel free to go away. if you don't feel like commenting on my tagboard, then don't. nobody forcing you or anything. maybe i should remove my tagboard too so no one will comment anything at all.
you want something that is not emo?

life's fun, life's great, life's everything, and i love my life!(:

there you have it, a sentence that shows no traces of emo, just pure happiness. you want something happy in my blog, then FEED ON THIS.
you and i know that that sentence sounds frinkingly fake if i'm the one saying it. so what's the point of blogging if all i'm posting is unreal stuffs about myself? this is my blog, and i want to express my true feelings through it, and the truth is i am unhappy, so accept it. if you want a lovey, goody, happy, smily blog, you can just exit this blog and go search google. don't bother reading my blog.
just for your reassurance, i'll recover no matter what, the only things that matter is how long i take to recover, and how long before i'm back into this whirlpool once again. i can only say, the frequency of it happening is increasing, rapidly.

i am now in a terrible mood. i feel like going to the beach and scream to the sea, or maybe jump into it. ARGH i am really losing my mind.
and i know that things are just going to get worse from today onwards. if i can't even survive what you call the tip of the iceberg, i might as well be gone.
ARGH i am totolly disgusted, my valentine is screwed up.

HAPPY FRIENDSHIP DAY!

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY PICK YEE!
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY WYNNE!
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY SZEYAN!
HAPPY IN-ADVANCED BIRTHDAY RACHELINE!
HAPPY IN-ADVANCED BIRTHDAY JUNJIE!
HAPPY IN-ADVANCED BIRTHDAY GUANJIE!

you disappointed me once again, and i've decided
this is near the end.

please do not leave me alone♥

Mr.CRAP
and everything's BAD.

don't ask me why, but some small incidents that happen these few days affected me so much.
i think i am such a bad person, like literally.
and bad is just an understatement.
i am a bad, possessive, selfish, self-centred, stupid, undetermined, weak, irresponsible, stingy blah blah blah and etc person. oh come on, throw in all those negative phrases, adjectives, nouns or whatever, i'm sure they are made to suit me somehow.
if all the 'feeble-minded' person are to be exterminated instead of sterilized, i will be the first in the queue. in fact, i shall volunteer to be the first.
GREAT, as if life sucks isn't enough to turn me off, i have to suck too.

i told myself to stand up for myself. i thought i was making a right decision, at least a decision that i made for myself without the influence of others. but why do i feel so bad and guilty right now? did i make a wrong decision, or are others' opinion making an impact on me? i hate the fact how a slight remark or opinion would make me embark of journey of self-doubt, i mean i did try to not dwell about those comments, but still they just keep lingering in my mind. should i just ignore them or believe in myself? and how do i gauge the credibility of those remarks, whether it's true or false.
just listening and thinking of those comments make me feel like an unworthy person.
and of course, there're other incidents that i personally think that i'm a devil.
i am not a good friend, i am not a good person, i am not a human being.

when the going gets tough, the tough gets going.
and the weak get vanquished.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY XINYI!
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY JUNJIN!
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY ANGELINE!
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY WEESHAN!
HAPPY IN-ADVANCED BIRTHDAY ZHENGYU!
HAPPY IN-ADVANCED BIRTHDAY ZIPING!
HAPPY IN-ADVANCED BIRTHDAY EDNA!

oh and FRIENDSHIP DAY and CHINESE NEW YEAR are coming!

OUR NEW CLASS TEE!

GUZHENG CONCERT!

HMM~
i've got nothing to say anymore.
but the good new is, i've stop dwelling about you anymore.
you shall sit silently in my heart(:

please do not leave me alone♥

DEATH

i knew it, i just knew it.
a new year doesn't mean anything to me, just another repeat of twenty-oh-seven. just another year of torture, another year of bumpy ride.
the only difference is that it brings me closer to the nightmares.

just the first two weeks, and it's already killing me. and let's not mention there's even more weeks to go through before i officially reach my nightmares.
i admit, the amount of people above me totals to almost infinity.
and how sometimes just a simple sentence, can literally kill your heart.
sadly, i can't find the reasons anymore, i can't find the strength.

in a shop full of branded and expensive bags, a torn and tattered bag without a price tag.
the journey through the darkness, and the absence of sunshine at the end of the tunnel.
the turning point of life, towards the rainbow or towards the destruction.


okayy, it's night and i'm feeling the usual, random and some indescribable feelings.

do you know,
i'm really happy for you,
but yet you hurt me again.

please do not leave me alone♥

REPEAT

first post of twenty-oh-eight! *claps*
and guess what? seven days since new year had passed. like i had already spent 7days of my twenty-oh-eight life. okay time flies like damn fast.
okay i'm freaking out again. ARGH

orientation night was the blast, better than last year orientation 2 night :X ! hahas and i really think og13 is so enthusiastic can, all of them so cute, and yes i know, i know, liangyu khangleng and julie are so excited about something. faints.
and i didn't realise that the og was like so big, but yet they are still very bonded, which is nice lah(: and that really sparked my wish of wanting to be an ogl! argh, i was originally on the way of being the ogl (of og13 somemore can) and some stupid discipline records and master had to get in the way. ARGH one of the many reason why tjc sucks. BOO~
but i'm glad i crashed orientation night, hahs even though i'm not an ogl! yeah the night was great and really make me what to do something...
i want to go clubbing when i turn 18 :D yeah, somewhere decent of course! call me along~

ok back to reality, i still have loads of holiday homeworks and tutorials hanging somewhere. the feeling is coming back yet again):
ARGH and there's something that kept bugging me. it's time i stand up for myself, and i shall speak this time! i don't want to spent the next 4-5months in misery and embarrassment, i shall do what i feel is the best for me!
hahas thanks for the advice zhaopei! yes you are so UGH-so-important!! :D you shall takecare and have fun too ok! miss you.

i shall learn to smile, i hope.
by remembering you, i will smile(:
takecare!

please do not leave me alone♥

THE KEY TO MY HEART

i was planning to spend my new year's eve by gaming the midnight away, but after reading pearlyn's blog, i decided to have the last post of twenty-oh-seven, and of course finally post all the photos of the last one month!
i actually wanted to blog last night after the meaningful talk with zhaopei, and yes it was going to be an emo post, but i guess i was too lazy. so i shall blog today instead, and yes to warn you, there will be abit of emo content below, and if you're those kind of people who roll eyes at emo posts and say 'wth, again', then please kindly click on the hot sexy red button on the top right hand corner of your computer screen, the MOST top right hand corner.

ok i know the previous sentence sounds very 'attitude', but what the heck, i really need to do my so-called reflection on new year's eve, so just look at those photos and ignore my post. ( i know i just have a christmas's eve reflection around a week ago, but it doesn't hurt to have more than one reflection per month)

especially when it's night time and it's right after a meaningful 'lock and key' talk with zhaopei.

*look at the time* okay just four more hours to a brand new year!
WOO~ a brand new year, like can you believe it, one year since graduation from secondary school had passed.
so tomorrow when i wake up, it will be twenty-oh-EIGHT, no longer seven! eh okay, i admit i'm slow, that reality is slowly sinking into my head.

a harsh year, but i managed to crawl through. lots and lots of incidents, allowed a better understanding of myself. i'm not a strong person, a strong-willed person, and definitely not a person with strong determination. and i am too tired to change anything. the good new is, i am beginning to see open(kan4 kai1), so yeah, if life sucks, then so be it.
i took the advice that liangyu told me, yeah and try to think on a brighter side, but things didn't really turn out fine eventually, but still i will be okay. although it will take a long time for me to say life's great, i wont say life sucks forever.
i shall not control the flow, i shall go along with the current. i shall live the life that i want and i'm happy with the most. and if in the end everything still become screwed up, then so be it. i can't do anything, since i don't believe i write my own life:X

so for the brand new twenty-oh-eight, it's still the same old wish which still isn't fulfilled, a strong determination, and that my life will become a smoother journey gradually(:

oh well, i think i shall end my emo content here, and yes if u happen to actually read until here, you can throw your hand up and shout ' yes! sunthai has stopped writing about emo stuff, no more emo thingy from here onwards, it's just photos! yes! '
and i'm just going to reply, there will not be anymore emo stuff continuing from this part of the post, but there will be emo posts from today onwards, maybe even more frequent.

yeah went out with mum to takashimaya and plaza singapura to shop with mum, and i am going say it loud, i am not going to shop at takashimaya ever again, it's so... ugh, and so beyond my taste style and most importantly, budget. (and yes xiumin, i saw nathan hartono there i think, oh aren't you jealous! hahas)
i think i'm still more into shopping places like plaza sing and marina sq. i know! i shall be the ambassador of plaza sing and marina sq:D ohmygod aren't they so going to be honoured. not only that i saw szeyan, shiyun and woonhwee at plaza sing, talking about a small world:D it's a long time since i met shiyun and szeyan! and yes shiyun&woonhwee, i am officially the ambassador of IP Zone, since i bought so many of their shirts. *open my closet* okay i think i have quite a significant amount of IP Zone shirts, in fact, too much. i am going to stop buying shirts from IP Zone.
on second thought, i think i should stop buying shirts, i've got too much of them in my closet. (wait a minute, i just bought a shirt a few hours ago! oh man!) maybe i should start clearing up my closet! for the brand new year!

oh and did i mention i'm no longer obsessed with Samuel & Kevin(S&K) shop? since S.H.E is no longer the official ambassador of S&K, i shall also no longer like the shop. like when you walked into the shop, you can't see S.H.E poster on the wall lehh! oh my, what a disappointment! now it became poster of typical caucasian models posing):
anyway i shall stop here/ wishing everyone a..
HAPPY NEW YEAR! smile everyone!

ADELINE&ZHAOPEI BDAE CELEBRTN(:
XINYI'S XMAS/CECILIA'S BDAE PARTY!

please do not leave me alone♥

the season of joy&laughter
a season without YOU

Falling Away - Marion Raven

He comes to me
He comes to me and I'm already gone
He doesn't see
He doesn't see that we're hanging on
Blocking out the pieces of today
Trying to get back to yesterday

We're falling away
And there's nothing left but rain
No there's nothing left here
All I hear is silence as I say
We're falling away

I go to him
I go to him and he's not really there
We can't begin
We can't begin to go anywhere
All is done, there's nothing left to say
Memories of his smile fade to grey

And how can we care
When it is so clear
That we're not ending up where we're supposed to be
Let's just forget now
Let's forget somehow
Let's not regret all the things that we used to be

My eyes still blur
My eyes still blur from refusing to see
I'm just not sure
I'm just not sure that we're meant to be

Untouched - The Veronicas

I go ooh ooh, you go ah ah
lalalalalalalala
I can lalalalalala
I wanna wanna wanna get get get what I want
Don't stop
Give me give me give me what you got got
Cause I can't wait wait wait any more more more more
Don't even talk about the consequence
Cause right now you're the only thing that's making any sense to me
And I don't give a damn what they say, what they think think
Cause you're the only one who's on my mind
I'll never ever let you leave me
I'll try to stop time for ever, never wanna hear you say goodbye (bye bye bye)

I feel so untouched
And I want you so much
That I just can't resist you
It's not enough to say that I miss you
I feel so untouched right now
Need you so much somehow
I can't forget you
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you

Untouched
And I need you so much

See you, breathe you, I want to be you
Alalalala alalalala
You can take take take take take time time
To live live the way you gotta gotta live your life
Give me give me give me all of you you
Don't be scared
I'll see you through the loneliness of one more more more
Don't even think about what's right or wrong, wrong or right
'Cause in the end it's only you and me and no one else is gonna be around
To answer all the questions left behind
And you and I are meant to be so even if the world falls down today
You've still got me to hold you up up
And I will never let you down (down)


introducing to you all two great songs(:
reflection, the christmas eve.

rough year, but i survived, and that's the good new!
this year, the beginning of the exception years.
everything is going down, down and further down. down as in you know, negatively bad. i can't think so anything that's going up, except for my weight, which i'm trying my best to at least maintain it. ARGH
self-esteem, relationships, academics and many more things.


DOWN, NEGATIVELY DOWN.

what am i as compared to others, nothing.
i'm having difficulty to find something about myself that i can say i'm proud of.
boy1 was happy as he just recieved a wooden toy train from his parents, before he knew it, boy2 took out a toy train, a remote-control metallic toy train from Toy 'R' Us.
am i aiming for too high, or am i unable to reach that height?
eh, life is an irony bahh;

have fun studying with eunice, chunkiat pearlyn and adeline today, then hanging out with the latter three at tampines mall. dear chunkiat, please do not forget the lesson on christmas spirit, it's all about giving(: i'm waiting!

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
STAY HAPPY(:

it doesn't matter who you like, you may like someone else.
i like you for who you are,
not who you like.

but if you've forgotten me, i've nothing to say.

please do not leave me alone♥

my christmas wishes.YOU

these two days been pretty good(:
tiring but pleasing, aching but rewarding.

yesterday was smooth-going for my job, which was particularly good since monday was like depressing for me. but i know that with hard work, a strong belief and a habit of actually talking to myself and telling myself ' go sunthai, you can do this, you are the man. Don't give up! ', it will eventually paid off. at least i hope so.
but i was so engrossed in my work that when i went to a gift shop to buy something, i actually almost walked off without paying. like when the sale person passed me the carefully wrapped gift, i actually walked off immediately. maybe i was in my mp3 music world or i was thinking something else, but i was like so damn paiseh when the person tapped me. she actually called me, but i didn't hear clearly, so she had to tap me and say ' eh, sorry sir, the money... ', oh my god, i didn't even know where to hide my face. ARGH i was like so damn damn paiseh that i kept apologising to her. i can't believe i actually did this kind of thing, first time in my whole time!

ARGH now when i think about it, i will still be like shocked at my action. talking about paiseh-ness:X

today was fun working with eunice kuah, at least it was not that lonesome when i worked alone): anyway eunice kuah kheng kheng should be so happy over the moon to know i had fun working with her, and the conversation on the bus trip was a burden off my shoulder. i told you eunice, the last sentence on the birthday card which i gave you was true, and i believe it will sustain for a long time(: but she had to quit the job today and leave me alone because she had obtained the amount of money that she wanted( which is ALOT ), and also she wants to study for the rest of the last week. oh well, she's still as hardworking as ever.

went to yinghui's house at the evening for gathering. miss my drama people so much, they are still so crazy as ever, maybe even crazier than before.
something just never change, but i'm glad my drama people are still funky, crappy and fun-loving. i just hope the tamadecute duo don't see this, if not they will go around saying they are great, kind and everything nice-.-
and i was talking to tony on the phone in the lift and i actually walked out of the lift at the wrong storey. i stepped out of the lift at the 12th storey when i lived at the 15th storey.

man, just how blur can i get-.-
never mind, walking out of the lift at the wrong storey happens quite occasionally.

oh and i'm excited about both christmas/new year's party, just hope it will be carried out smoothly(:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YINGHUI!
HAPPY IN-ADVANCED BIRTHDAY CECILIA!

okay, photos and everything else about recent events will be uploaded maybe in the next post.
better go and do homeworks and script writing.
ARGH totally spoiled the mood. especially the latter, what the !@#$%^&*(

so much for forgetting about you.
my christmas wishes.
at least you're having a great life.
hope you will have a great christmas,
without me...

please do not leave me alone♥

to forget you;

No good to have lots of beautiful things.
because i'm scared to lost them.
But... i want you, i want you, i want you,
even if you love someone else.
i don't care if you don't know why the clear sky is blue,
but i want you to know why my cheeks are pink.

i believe those were in the pasts. forgetting you may be the best way to heal.
okay i need to buck up! holiday homeworks, here i come!

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY Jane!
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY Kang Rong!
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY Eunice!
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY Jenna!
HAPPY IN-ADVANCED BIRTHDAY Adeline!

those memories with you,
those great yet comforting memories, thank you(:
i miss you

please do not leave me alone♥

metamorphosis

maybe what liangyu was saying is correct.
maybe what all of you had said is true.
maybe it's time for a change.

easier said to be done. oh well i will try.

POST EXAMINATION MIND CAFETJC STAR SEARCH'07
CLIQUE STEAMBOAT AT ZHENGYU'S HOUSE

my wish came true, even though it's for a short while.
that feeling is gradually dying, and i know it's for the best/ bahh

please do not leave me alone♥